Project 4 Update

Appreciating people KICKS ASS.

There were soooo many people I wanted to appreciate on a grander scale, but I decided to go above and beyond (re: obnoxious) for 6 particular people. And they are....in the order they presented: Kayla, Drew, Kate, Tracy, Kevin, and Cassie (see photos below).

Each of these photos captures an incredible awesome moment in my life - one that would not have been possible without that particular partner in crime. The pictures range from a snapshot of two exhausted people during Open House, a fake marriage proposal, and my best friend's wedding. I can't begin to tell you how AMAZING it was to take the time out of my day to make these people feel special. Now, if you know me, you are aware that I have a lot of love for a lot of people. And why shouldn't I?? So sending that energy out into the world felt freaking fantastic and because of my outward efforts to appreciate other people, I got a pretty epic amount of appreciation thrown right back at me.

Even writing this is making me want to explode with gratefulness for the people in my life, or even those who don't have as much of a lead role anymore. I think that it is so, so important to lift people up with our words. So many times I hear people saying, "oh well he knows how I feel.' Well yeah, that might be the case, but I bet he would love a reminder. Look someone in the eyes and tell them what they mean to you. Do it. Go on, go! :D

The Name Game

I'm pressed for time! I'll admit it, things got busy today and I didn't make my blog a priority, BUT I wanted to get the next project up here tonight so that we started the week on the right foot!

This week you are going to learn the names of everyone around you. I mean everyone. I am going to learn all of my student's names (my goal is to actually know them all by Tuesday) and the names of all of the students in my graduate program (no easy task).

Knowing a persons name is a sincere sign of respect and I hope you won't take this project lightly. It may seem simple, but learning names requires a little thing called 'listening,' a whole lot of processing, and a major dash of dedication.

Good luck! And let me know how it goes!

p.s. I'll update Project 4 tomorrow!

Project 4: 7 Pounds

Have you seen the movie, "Seven Pounds," with Will Smith? Well I cant really think of a way to describe it without giving away most of the story... and come to think of it, the movie is a little depressing.

...But ANYWAYS, it's basically about how the main character in the movie changes the lives of seven people. Think "Pay It Forward," but a little more intense.

This week is all about appreciating those people who have had a significant impact on your life. This impact is based on your own judgement. Maybe someone is always your designated driver. Maybe they were your mentor in college. Or perhaps this person just always manages to put a smile on your face. There are so many ways that people can affect our moods, perspectives, and even our lives.

The hardest part of this challenge is only picking seven. Starting today, pick one person a day to focus on. Send them letters, texts, a video on facebook, give them a super long hug! Do whatever you can to make them feel special and appreciated. I have been incredibly blessed to have met such amazing people in my life... so what I've done is write down all of the people who have impacted my life in the last few years and am picking seven at random...

This is very, very exciting for me! I hope you enjoy this as well...

love, love, love AK.

Project 3 Update

This week was particularly difficult because for several reasons; the first being that I had the week off from school and work and had amazing amounts of free time. The second being that for me, texting is a second form of breathing. I do it on instinct. I hear Taylor Swift on the radio, I text Kate Sugar. Have a good poop joke? Sending one over to Zach. You get the idea.

So when I forced myself to go an entire week without contacting people or initiating social activities, I found myself on more than one occasion starring sadly at my phone. Not necessarily because I was waiting for it to ring, but more so in a fight with my desire to send a damn text message. Needless to say the week did not go perfectly. Lindsey was in Boston and I decided that she would be the one person I could contact regularly regardless of my project. There were a few other mishaps along the way, but overall it went pretty well.

I think what I realized, though I feel like I already knew this, is that I initiate most things. Most conversations, most outings, most jokes. And I guess that, for the most part, I'm really okay with that. I'm happy to serve that roll and I've done so for as long as I can remember. Truthfully, this week came down to one of my favorite mottos, "you cant expect people to read your mind."

Forcing other people to initiate all forms of communication with you for a week isn't necessarily fair, but neither is the inverse: expecting people to communicate with you. Perhaps that person has no idea that you want to speak with them, or maybe they are actually living their own lives. The message I want to leave here today is that I believe effective and clear communication can be the most important and powerful thing in. the. world. Here are some helpful hints:

-If you have something to say, just say it.
-Don't play games
-Don't expect people to know how you're feeling or what you want from them
-Remind people that you're thinking of them or text/message/call them about random things or jokes... everyone appreciates the effort
-Remain independent without pushing the important people out of your life
-Love

Maybe this is cheesy... but I'm okay with it! Here's to a new week... :D

Project 3: Don't Initiate

I gotta tell you guys, I'm nervous about this one. It's hardly been a day and I'm already struggling.

This week I am going to spend 7 days without initiating social outings or conversations via the Internet, phone, or over text message. What this means is that I cannot send the first text or make any phone calls. I cannot make plans with anyone unless they propose the outing. I cannot skype you or FB you first. I can, however, respond to the requests of others.

Maybe this doesn't sound difficult. BUT FOR ME IT'S LIKE NOT BREATHING. I am not looking forward to the week where I don't use the Internet...

Good luck!

Project 2 Update

Sometimes life gives you lemons.

This week was all about challenging myself physically and it started off well and good with some WASP-like tennis activities, but took a strange turn early in the week. My intention was to spend a few days in SLO and push myself to destroy the 'Tri-Tip Challenge.'

But I didn't do it. I didn't even go to SLO. And do you know why? Because I couldn't afford it.

I'm not very good at thinking before I spend... or thinking before I speak for that matter! Because of this I have had an incredibly frugal summer. I could write books on how to live for free that's how much of an expert I've become. So I suppose some good came of this poverty but as of now its just a small light at the end of a very long, unfortunate tunnel.

After having a very stressful conversation with my father about the fact that I couldn't really even afford to drive back to Oakland from SoCal, I had to do some thinking. I thought about this project and how I wouldn't truly be able to achieve it without my SLO stop. I thought about my friends and former life that I hadn't been able to visit in 3 months. But mostly I thought about how it just wasn't possible.

So, great, now I've already failed at doing something new and it's only my second week. Way to go turbo!

But then I realized that I had challenged myself more and grown more in a week than I ever would have by hiking up those mountains. I learned responsibility. And I know what you're thinking! "Yeah, right, AK. This is just a blip on the radar... how was not going to SLO really a challenge?" Wellll smart ass, for those of you who know me you are aware that 1) SLO is my life and 2) money gives me enormous amounts of anxiety and for me to make the decision to go back to Oakland and not spend money that I did not have was just damn right adult of me.

And as my ex-girlfriends will tell you, that is a rare moment!

Sometimes we just can't do it. I have been so fortunate to surround myself with such amazing, high achieving, and giving people and I have noticed how exhausted and stretched thin they can get because they are always saying, 'yes.' I think that what I've learned this week is that it's okay to say, 'not this time.' Now, be not mistaken, this is not an advocacy campaign for being a jerk - this is my realization that I am allowed and capable of doing what's right for me even if it means missing out on some things or readjusting a weekly goal.

This reminds me of a motto that a good friend of mine has been using lately, which is to follow your gut. Ultimately, we know what's right. We know what's good for us.

We don't always have to use those lemons; sometimes it's okay to wait for the next round.

Project 2: Challenge Yourself Physically Part 1

Week 2 leaves me in my favorite city in California, San Luis Obispo!



I could talk for days about my love affair with SLO, but for now I'll get right to the inspiration for this week.

San Luis Obispo is a beautiful place known for its amazing hiking trails, bomb food, and incredible beaches. My favorite hike has always been Bishops Peak (pictured above), but it doesn't stop there. There are countless trails in every direction, some much more secluded than others. A good friend of mine, Allison Crump, introduced me to the project called the 'tri-tip challenge, - which combines two of my favorite things (food and being outside) in my favorite place - SLO! This challenge involves hiking three mountains, Bishops Peak, "The P," and Madonna all in succession and then destroying a Tri Tip Sandwich at Firestones. Yum.

This might not sound tough for a lot of you, but I've never been able to complete it. I've made efforts, but for one reason or another it's just never happened. This is my week to complete the Tri Tip Challenge!

What will your challenge be?

Project 1 Update

I have never met a stranger. At least that's what a friend of mine said to me once, and it is because of this that my first project just sort of happened naturally. Turns out I get life stories from strangers all the time. So when I found myself at that Inn & Out last week chatting it up with a family of four it was as if I had known them for years.

I realized after my second day that talking to strangers was in fact second nature. I heard stories from a young bank teller while standing in line to cash a check, a woman reading a book at the pool, a cute blond guy visiting from New Hampshire, and a karaoke DJ at my best friend's bar. Some of these people told me stories forwardly, like the banker who's fiance has great taste and who picked the ring without any consultation and isn't it amazing? She was very sweet. While others told me their stories with fewer words and more action - take for example the karaoke DJ with a huge chip on his shoulder (not an opinion, just a solid fact) who played only Red Hot Chili Peppers Songs and sang his own balled every other song.

I spent my first year of grad school trying to talk less and listen more. This is why Project 1 was so perfect - it was about taking what I learned and putting it into action. This week was also about improving my listening skills with the people I already have relationships with... especially those who I'm just getting to know. Additionally, I spent a lot of time thinking about my past interactions with strangers and I realized that I seriously try to have a conversation with everyone I meet - bus drivers, customer service agents over the phone, randoms on the BART. It's kind of out of control and I'd be lying if I told you that this didn't bother some of my significant others in the past. I mean, I guess I can see how this could potentially become obnoxious, but I never intended for it to be that way. In my defense my parents do the exact same thing - exercise that same charm and desire to make strangers smile, and I must confess that as a child I was embarrassed by these "performances" - as that was exactly how I perceived it, as a desire for attention.

I'll be the first one to admit that I love attention, but I also really like making someones day. Sure, that doesn't always happen. Some people aren't looking for that at that specific moment, but some need it. I suppose that what I'm trying to say is that talking to strangers could sincerely change their entire mindset, perhaps for that second, maybe for the day, and who knows, maybe their whole life. Without knowing it, a conversation that my good friend had with a stranger in Thailand changed my life. And I know it changed hers.

That said, I want you to remember this:

Don't walk with your head down. Forget the polite "hi", "please" and "thank you." Ask questions, take a few minutes to slow down and listen, and, most importantly, learn to appreciate the notion that every single person has something amazing to offer. Including you.

Number 1

Project 1: Get at least two strangers to tell you their life story

Week 1, woooooooooooooohhhooooooo! (pronounced like "new" but with a "w" and an "h"). I feel so inspired - which is amazing considering the fact that I'm broke, have a Guinness book of world records status farmers tan, and just spent 8 hours driving in 100 degree heat with no air conditioning. I think I've realized, though, that it is these exact things that make me inspired. I am broke, but I won't be forever. I have an epic farmer's tan because I spent the last 7 weeks getting my world rocked in the best way while teaching at a summer camp. AND today I start my vacation in Southern California which means I get to see my family. Three things that maybe started in the negative column have been kicked over to the green.

This is what 'The 52 Things List' means to me. It's about changing our mindsets. It's about changing our own realities and hopefully in turn becoming better people.

Today I found myself sharing Inn & Out with a family in 100 degree heat in Kettleman City, aka the dirty central valley. Midway through my road trip from Oakland to the great city of Temecula, covered in a glossy sheen of sweat, eyes burning from the smell of cow poop via Harris Ranch, I looked over at my dog who was clearly experiencing the same turmoil as myself and made the executive decision to stop for some food, water, shade, and much needed poop time (for him not me, surprisingly). Moving on, if you've ever been to this particular Inn & Out you know that it's one of the busiest locations in existence. It's as if they're giving out gold. Seriously. Because there were so many people around I planted myself at a table with a woman and her family. This is where the idea from the week came from...

With hardly any instigating, this Latino family of four (a mother, father, and two sons), began to tell me their "story." I heard about where they were going, where they were from, their jobs, their politics, their parenting strategies, their values, and (perhaps most importantly) their love and support for each other. This experience was simply phenomenal. I simply sat down next to this woman and her family. They were so warm and open and honest. I found myself strangely comfortable with this moment. It was the opposite of listening to someone with a case of word vomit. It was perfect.

Talking to strangers wasn't how I initially planned to start this project, but I find it incredibly appropriate. We all have a story. I'm using this blog to write a new story, but there are so many stories out there just waiting to be heard!

So, for week one, I am challenging myself (and YOU) to listen to at least two life stories from at least two different strangers. Most importantly, these people cannot be aware of the project. It must be natural. I have high hopes for the next seven days! Good luck and continue to be inspired!